Baa Baa Black Sheep

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP 

Every family does not have a Black Sheep..but they definitely have a Scapegoat! Sheep or goat..same family, different genre.

 The scapegoat becomes the butt of the family angst by difference not default. They are usually different by nature, looks, achievements but all of them possess that defining quality that sets them apart from the rest of the sheep.

 It could be the idealist born into the family of cynics, the cheery optimist among the hard core depressives, the visionary who refuses to follow the family dream - the reasons are varied but the outcome is always the same.

 He/she becomes branded and whatever they do they become subject to derision, anger, ridicule, blame and finally the dreaded judgment is pronounced- 'Black sheep of the family'.

 But, unlike the nursery rhyme he/she refuses to part with his/ her dreams or wool. Instead, they pack their bags, all three bagfuls and move far away from the judgemental flock.

 Even with distance they cannot escape the censure of being 'The Scapegoat' All subsequent ills that befall the family are a direct consequence of his/her actions- did not keep in touch with the family so parents died broken hearted ( don't factor in the diabetes or cholesterol!) did not follow the family business so it went legs up..the list is endless. 

Wear the badge with honour...'Scapegoat'and flee the family of sheep!

Nimmou Nilakantan

A long bout of illness, several doctors, many, many tests and all negative reports with the final diagnosis of 'viral infection'(not Covid) inspired this post. However, for the many wolves out there, there are several angels too! C'est la vie! I am humbled by their dedication and grateful to them. For the others...well, once I have vented in writing it don't matter no more! All tongue and all cheek...

 HOW TO SURVIVE THOSE WOLVES IN WHITECOATS

 

Like hardened criminals who have various lawyers on their speed dial, we commoners also have various Doctors in our Contact list. One will not do anymore for the multitude of ailments that we are prone to after the Pandemic. How do we find the truly caring Doctors who are dedicated to their profession amongst the many who do not give a damn for anything but the moolah you represent? How does one weed out those wolves in white coats? Some wolves are easy to spot… they are among those who have converted their residence garages into a fancy clinic where they see patients on some evenings after their hospital consultations. The patient is now parked there instead of the Porsche he helped in funding! For the more elusive wolves here are a few pointers I picked up the hard way….

 

1) BEWARE THE APPEARANCE BIAS…. We tend to give more credibility to Doctors who look the part, are well turned out and communicate well. Unfortunately the path to their sartorial elegance has been paved by gullible people like us – taken in with the exterior toppings and fancy degrees. Unless he is skilled and empathetic it does not matter if he looks like an onion seller or does not mince words. Remember the wolf in sheep’s clothing? Unless his fancy looks and manner match up to his diagnosis and treatment, he is not the real deal…go to the next one on that Contact list so that a listing on the Obituary section is not next…

 

2) “BY APPOINTMENT ONLY…” the minute your Doctor states this – RUN – in the opposite direction! Bad enough he is seeing you in his garage where a car should be parked and not a human – he is giving you timings to be ill? So, if you do not fall ill on Monday, Wednesday, Friday between 6 and 8 pm (his garage timings) sorry, bad luck. This is a Designer Doctor (designed to part you from your money, not illness) and you would be well advised to seek an appointment with a Doctor who sees patients every day in his clinic or at least do an online consultation or guide you to a colleague in case they are full up. Back away from this garage mechanic…

 

3) TESTING, TESTING, TESTING…. And then there are those Doctors who will not even bother to put a stethoscope on your chest – it is hidden away in an unopened drawer and never put to use. With an arsenal of antibiotics at their disposal why bother wasting time? And, when they do ask you to open your mouth they will ensure they are one and a half feet away and shine a little torch from that safe distance. Forget listening to symptoms or checking your B.P…. the prescription pad appears and every test, scan and X-ray is ordered and then out comes the receipt book and consultation fee is gobbled before you can blink. The very fact that every time you enter the garage it is swarming with medical representatives should give you a clue. See those black coats and run before you see this white coat….

 

4) THE ANTIBIOTIC KING AND QUEEN….you have a cold? Take an antibiotic. Cough – antibiotic. Fever – more antibiotics and it does not matter that antibiotics are ineffective for viral infections. The Doc has to please the black coat Medical Representative and try out all the latest antibiotics on you even where a simple Disprin/Dolo or chicken soup would suffice. Back out, do a U-turn and flee from this antibiotic happy Doctor’s garage unless you want to fund the BMW, Mercedes and Ferrari as well….

And finally, when you have a fever or cold, your GP does not need a string of alphabets behind his or her name. You need a medical practitioner who looks, listens, touches and is not ready with his finger on the antibiotic trigger! Unless warranted most minor illnesses are cured by good food and adequate rest, but that does not require a Doctor’s prescription does it? So, the next time you are tempted to enter that garage converted to a clinic, pause, reflect and reverse! Otherwise you just might end up with your body on overdrive and your bank balance on overdraft!

 

Nimmou Nilakantan

 

CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE TOO!

In January 2016 I wrote an article and published it in my blog (nimmou.blogspot.com) called ‘Parents are People too’ where I took pot shots at our grown up children. Six years later I am doing an about face and have written a kind article about our children - it is all in the title and before I am branded a turn coat (yes I am!) - remember the old saying is true- ‘If the shoe fits…’ Do read with an open mind and a ready laugh…remember in the court of life as is in the courtroom, for every prosecution there is a defence or in layman terms, there are two sides to every coin. Here is the other side….

Whoever said that the ‘Child is the Father of the Man’ got it wrong- and I don’t care of it was a famous poet or what he meant by it. All I know is that our children should never become our parents or be forced to adopt the role of a caretaker or caregiver unless it is by their free choice. Life is a game of chess but nowhere in the User’s Manual does it say that the parents are the Kings and Queens and the kids become the hapless Pawns. How do we prevent this role reversal that usually happens when we slip into old age/dotage and they become middle aged? Here are my pointers for prevention…

 1) Your children are not your mops/brooms or sponges to soak up all your complaints of an unfair world nor do they have to clean up the mess you make…literally and figuratively. Oh yeah, yeah, you did the same when they were little people but remember my opening salvo about role reversal? The child can never be the parent- the poet was wrong!

 2) Respect boundaries….you do not have to spill the beans on every dirty little secret in your life because you think you have a captive audience. Remember while you are doing that, they have a life too which you are cannibalizing with your daily trivia. Talk to a friend, talk to your spouse (a deaf ear is better than a captive one!) talk to your counsellor or just talk to the goddamn wall! But spare your child the horrors of your daily battle with an unfair world….

 3) When our kids were little we ensured their good health – now when they are grown up all we can talk about ad nauseum is our own! Whether it is that elusive bowel movement or even harder to capture forty winks, we have somehow made a Doogie Howser M.D of our adult progeny. Go to your G.P and for a nominal fee you can hold him hostage for the same twenty minutes. Please spare your kids even if they have M.D after their names and you paid a hefty sum to put it there. They paid their debt at birth by fulfilling your greatest dream- to be a parent. The score is even- move on! There are no winners in this game…

 4) Your children are not your friends – even if you are lonely and friendless. With an online world of infinite possibilities why would you want them to hang out with you? Find someone your own age that you can bond with about shared grievances especially that ‘sharp ingratitude worse than a serpent’s tooth’ (the great Bard got that right!) and when those ingrates you nurtured choose to hang out with you, give in with grace and a laden table. With the snipping of the umbilical cord let’s face it- the strongest bond is food- loads of it prepared by a mother’s loving hand… “Ma ka khana” now these are words of wisdom and immortality…

 And finally…remember your children have the power vested in them to give you a second chance after you screwed up their childhood and continue doing a fair job of their adulthood too. Your grandchildren are your ticket to redemption and your salvation too. Like the ‘Grand Wizard’ the title of ‘Grandparent’ confers magic in our lives and the power to grant that magic lies in your children’s hands. All your efforts in rearing them did not go in vain- those ingrates just do not know yet what it is to bear the cross of old age. Trust in Karma rather than trying to lasso these bulls. One day, their kids will grow up and they will be walking in your shoes. The boot will be on the other foot – till then kindly desist from planting it where the sun don’t shine…..

 Nimmou Nilakantan

4^th Jan 2023