AMMA

AMMA

Today is Amma's 79th birthday.

It is five years since Amma went out of our lives.

And, every time I fear the connection is growing weaker with the passage of time something happens to make me hear Amma's voice - loud and clear.

Today it was the hindi song - 'Sara pyaar tumhaara maine bandh liya...' that Nachu had used as the background song playing to the collage of pictures tracing Amma's journey from marriage till the last great grandson (Maanas) that she held in her arms.

I missed that birthday of Amma's and today when I turned the radio on at 4 am this song began to play.

On Amma's 79th birthday.

A poignant reminder of the one birthday I missed - her 74th.

I began to feel her presence with each word in the song that Nachu had so aptly chosen to fit the beautiful collage of pictures.

In every note I could hear Amma and as I began to cry I could feel Amma close to me.

And then I realised the memory of one's mother never dies nor does her spirit.

It lives in each of her children and all it takes is a word, a smile, a song to bring back to life this part of ours which we think is missing.

And that is the beauty of birth - you create a life within you which lives on far beyond your death.

Your children are your eternity Amma - they are your immortality because as long as there is breath in our body some part of you will always remain alive.

We will cherish the memory and pass it on to our children or anything that embodied what you believed in - and the foremost was love.

Your love for people and your belief in the world. You never gave up on loving your four children - that is the eternal flame you have passed on to us which will never burn out.

Happy Birthday Dearest Amma - we will always love you....

THE COUNTERFEIT NOTE

A parent’s job description, in the early years of child rearing, is very clear – act as an early warning alarm when they see their children head towards disaster and pick them up preferably without the hard slap and I-TOLD-YOU-So- after the warning has been ignored and the kid got hurt.

When the children grow up follow the simple policy of no warnings and no finger wagging. Save all the lectures, recriminations or the injured martyr act and spare yourself the heartache of relegation. Take solace in Karma.

Karma is nothing but a kindness returned and cruelty redoubled. Resist the grim satisfaction in knowing that a lesson has been taught though there is the inevitable heartache and anguish that in spite of the trip alarm you so painstakingly set up your dumb ‘kids’ still fell. Pick them up, dust them off, wash the scrapes and cuts and comfort them.

If you cannot do that, then you are the fake currency that devalues the whole parent child/adult relationship. And very soon the ‘children’ will realize there is nothing to be gained by the promissory note that is only fit for I-told-you-so and not I-owe-you. They will turn a deaf ear, a blind eye and a hard heart to the very people who brought them into existence but could not condone their mistakes.

God never intended parents, in their dotage, to only be binoculars scanning the horizon for danger. Nor did he put a whistle around their neck to blow at the first hint of trouble. All children have to embark on their own voyage of discovery and if they do not want to listen to you for God’s sake- mute the volume unless you want to be white noise.

Beyond a point, it makes no sense to keep repeating things like a parrot and then squawk in indignation when it falls on deaf ears. Ask yourself this- “What value do I have in this relationship – the gold coin or the counterfeit note?

Some things in life cannot be bought but we have to remember that somethings also cannot be sold. And, true love falls in both categories….

Nimmou Nilakantan