FOLLOW YOUR CONSTANT

FOLLOW YOUR CONSTANT…..

All of us have them. A goal, an ideal, a belief, an unwavering faith – that is our Constant. It is what gets us out of bed every day. Without it we sink like a soufflé never to rise again. Depression, inertia, the blues, sloth afflict all those who lose sight of their Constant. Whether it is an exercise plan, a diet regimen, a job schedule, or a relationship hurdle every human has to have a dot to connect to - otherwise we are in a dark infinite space in which we are suspended with earth beyond our feet and heaven forever out of reach. 

Your Constant is uniquely your own – you cannot explain it, justify it or hope to get others to understand it. It is the lonely mountain that each follows a different path to scale the summit. You have to walk it alone with your Constant, an eternal flame burning in the brain…. Only when you die does your Constant get extinguished. And, if you lit a spark in your children that flame will burn in them but it will always be their Constant. Only they can nurture it, fan it to great heights and keep that ember burning through their lives… 

What is my Constant? It is and always will be – exercise. It gets me out of bed on the coldest day when I just want to snuggle and sleep, it uplifts me from the darkest depth of despair, it gives shape and meaning to my life and it always places me on the summit of life’s lonely mountain where the view is everything you dreamed it would be.

Now my Constant is calling and I gotta go…

Nimmou Nilakantan

THEN DENTIST DRILL

THE DENTIST DRILL

No two words can strike more terror in your heart or turn your legs to jelly as, no, not “You’re fired” or even “Hand’s up” but “Root Canal”. As soon as your dentist utters those words it sets your teeth on edge. How do you survive the dentist’s drill? Here are a few survival tips…

COMFORT, COMFORT, COMFORT

Wear loose clothing. Ditch that tight fitting top or skinny jeans. You cannot make a fashion statement while lying like a gutted fish in the dentist’s chair. And, you definitely cannot in the midst of all that drilling sneak a hand up to loosen a few buttons to stop hyperventilating or a hand down to loosen your belt. Whether it’s fear that makes you swell up or the fact that you wolfed down those salty snacks to soothe those jangled nerves, dressing like a convict in those baggy, shapeless, loose fitting clothes is the way to go. Anyway, you are imprisoned in the dentist’s chair for the next hour with no escape in sight…

SOUND OF MUSIC

Don’t forget your headphones with your favourite play list. There is nothing more terrifying than the sound of the drill as it nears your mouth. That’s when your mind drums up worse case scenarios. What if your dentist sneezes or has a fit as the drill hovers above you? Visions of the drill cutting your tongue instead of your teeth sets your nerves jangling. Close your eyes! It’s that simple. Go to your La La land and stay there till you hear the word ‘Rinse’. And, spare a thought for the poor man who cannot do the same. While you have a view of the white ceiling when you do open your eyes, all he can see is a Picasso rendering of a mouth…

SIGN LANGUAGE

Learn it – quickly! Most doctors have mastered the art of asking their patients questions which have no answers. The dentist has perfected the art and refined it to asking questions only when your mouth is wide open and you are slowly drowning in your own saliva. As your tongue moves futilely in your mouth trying to answer his kind query of “Are you okay?” all you can manage is “Arurggh” while saliva dribbles down your chin. Keep notes clenched in your fist with terse one word replies or commands – YES! STOP! OUCH! HOW MUCH LONGER? Establish a clear line of communication and no, Morse code will not do! You cannot tap on the hand that holds the drill and you cannot tug at his sleeve, so unless you can think quickly on your back you might as well lie mute and pray he sees the desperate pleading in your eyes….

ME, ME, ME

Frantic hand waving when you knew the answer to a question worked in kindergarten. As you went up the ranks you realized that teachers began to look at you as part of a particularly annoying herd to be ignored at every opportunity. Dentists unlike teachers don’t ignore you on purpose. They are so used to looking into the manhole of decay and disease that they can be pardoned for forgetting there is a man under the hole! Ensure your dentist sees you as the fine example of humankind you are and not just as a set of 32 teeth subject to plaque, gingivitis or whatever torture you brought on yourself by midnight binges and not flossing afterwards. Some doctors, noble souls that they are, are so dedicated to healing that they tend to forget the human under the faulty part they have to repair. To a heart specialist you could be a malfunctioning aorta or to an orthopedist a dicky knee but you will be darned if you are just a faulty smile to your dentist. Establish a conversation before the procedure so that you are not limited to ‘Spit’ and ‘Rinse’ and you might find that there is a very likable man behind the mask too!

And finally, it comes down to prevention. Brush, floss, gargle – do whatever it takes to prevent those 32 time bombs ticking in your mouth. His job is to restore your smile. And yours? Taking care that your bite is better than your bark so that he doesn’t laugh all the way to the bank!

Nimmou Nilakantan

CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT!

CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT!

Why do we find it so difficult to wrap our heads around this? Relationships change – deal with it! Our children grow up and no longer need us or depend on us (Praise the Lord). We know that this is the Law of Nature and still we act as if we have been blindsided by an unkind twist of fate. It’s called old age people – deal with it! Your relevance declines with age – move along now, slowly with your walker…

Our bodies change and sadly so do our faces. And yet we look in the mirror and silently shriek with every added pound or new wrinkle. We know it’s gonna happen. In fact we see it happening to others and apart from Botox and plastic surgery we know there is no reprieve from the onslaught of old age. Gyms, Beauty parlors, Spas know this too and yet they charge exorbitant amounts which we happily pay to keep that water slipping through our palms…

The weather changes – it changes every day if you live in Bangalore and sometimes hourly leave alone the usual Spring, Summer, Autumn and winter cycle. We accept the change from sunny to cloudy even when the weather man predicts otherwise and yet we just cannot accept a 'bad hair day', 'the ungrateful fecking children day', 'I feel like shite and look like dog turd day'… need I go on?

We want undying love from all, permanent friendships and perennial youth.

Yet, we reel in shock and dismay when a friend cuts us out, our offspring does not pick up our call ( because they did not ‘hear’ the phone ring) or the weighing scale firmly pivots to obese even though we are standing butt naked on it while balancing on one leg. For every curve ball that life throws at you, repeat that mantra – “Change is the only Constant”

Or, if I may add my own Law to the ones of the great Sir Isaac Newton with due apologies – “For every Constant there is a Change – Deal with it!”

Nimmou Nilakantan

WOGA

WOGA

It’s all about fusion folks! And Yoga, an age-old practice has borne the brunt of it. It has donned the avatar of a modern exercise form to suit every need and body type. From unrolling a mat and using your body to bend in every possible way you can now do Yoga in saunas (Soga), on paddle boards (Poga), with your pet pooch (Doga), on a monkey’s back or in a bat cave, while chugging beer (Boga) and call it whatever you want as long as it ends with ‘oga’…

Or you could just glug beer and call it pubbing but then where is the virtue in that? Anyway, after many drinks, with or without the ‘oga’ we do obtain a kind of Yogic nirvana without contorting our bodies into some Asana – unless we are flat out under the table – also known as ‘Savasasana’ (the dead pose).

It’s a given that nobody has any time to spare – so we are forced to multi-task even while exercising. Multi-task, fusion, whatever but here’s what works for me – WOGA. It is ‘Walking Yoga’ and it’s a doozie.

So, this is how it works- I walk briskly while breathing naturally but this is where I incorporate the ‘oga’- by holding one nostril shut and exhaling from the other. Normally I would pinch both nostrils shut while walking to shut out the stench of garbage and open drains but then it’s not WOGA. It’s all about walking AND breathing slowly through one nostril and expelling air through another…

Yoga in its pure form is silent except for the noisy exhalations and the loud utterance of “OM” said with varying degrees of intensity while rising to a crescendo and fading to a slow “mmm”. This is easily done in WOGA.

As I walk, I draw in a big breath into my big belly naturally and then I let it all out in a powerful blast of  “Ohhhhmmmmm”. This takes about ten strides during which my walking companion has scooted into another route with his hands over his ears. Other walkers keep a respectful 10 feet of distance from me which is what I wanted anyway.

Having carved out my own personal space in a public park I feel smug in my take on Yoga. I happily inhale and exhale my thunderous ‘ohmm’s’ and watch with ascetic detachment as a startled bird takes flight.

And that’s all there is to it – WOGA – the essence of Yoga compressed into its essential component – breathing and my addition of breathing with sound effects.

Asanas are for the body but yoga is about the spirit. And nothing lifts the spirit as much as walking and breathing in symphony. Next on the agenda is HOGA – getting husband to bend to my will. Watch this space…

Nimmou Nilakantan