The Marriage Ring

THE MARRIAGE RING

Why is marriage still looked upon by society as a cure for all evils? Earlier, when someone suffered from epilepsy marriage was touted as the best remedy. As if faulty circuitry in the brain could be re-wired by a legalized romp in the sack! Today, though India is in the league of economic giants, sadly we remain minnows in the face of a vengeful society that persecutes the unmarried. We have marriage forums like Bharath matrimony, Shaadi.com, Jeevan Sathi etc.etc. whose noble purpose is to bring two, starved for love, souls together while making a shitload of money in the process. It is nothing but a platform for the desperate plea of parents who look upon unmarried girls as an unwanted commodity to be dumped on the best bidder. And the boys become ‘bakras’ posting their profiles with the forlorn hope of ensnaring a partner to fulfill their dream of a fairy tale romance.

The ground reality is that both boys and girls are playing their parents in a dangerous game of Seek, Meet and Retreat. And, here is the paradox- you get your parents on the bridal bandwagon and join in the ‘seek the dream partner fest’ with little regard that this is not a mango mela where you settle for the juiciest fruit. These are real people with real feelings which get hurt with every rebuff.

So, while the hapless parents wring their hands in despair and yet doggedly pursue every lead in the matrimonial mayhem, the girls and boys happily press the delete button sending the desperate parents on yet another wild goose chase, while insisting they want to get married.

When are we parents going to remove the jasmine tinted glasses and tune out the clamor for wedding bells? I know- when we parents take a firm stand and tell our ‘kids’ to go forth, seek and find your own! If not, go forth and multiply (in other words f##k off) and face the damn consequences.

We are tired people and just want to flop in our favourite chair and drink a cup of tea in peace. We do not want to be matchmakers or candle stick makers and yet we are forced by a relentless society which sniffs a bachelor/spinster past their ‘sell by date’. The dreaded query ‘Your daughter/son is still not married?’ launches us into yet another frenzied attempt to woo people we know precious little about except what we glean from their carefully doctored (and mainly padded up) profiles of themselves.

After having my fingers burned in this mug’s game of finding a ‘suitable’ bride for my son and getting rejected by girls on the flimsiest of pretexts (usually masking a desperate desire not to enter the state of matrimony) I have a word of advice to other long suffering parents. Love and respect your children’s choices. They are not goods to be auctioned off and you are not fulfilling their destiny by finding them a marriage partner.

And, to the next nosy relative/frenemy/ colleague/ neighbour who solicitously enquires about the marital status of your progeny, look them in the eye and tell them the wedding invite is in the mail- it is time to cash our cheques folks!

Nimmou Nilakantan

542 words

TO AMMA

A year has passed

You have not gone

I hear you in the music

That you listened to at dawn

You have not gone

Because now I clearly see

That love is in actions

Not in words spoken to me

How can you be gone?

When each and everyday I feel

Your warmth and love

In every tasty homemade meal

A year has passed, I do not mourn

That you are no longer on earth

Death can never take away

The life you gave me at birth

I do not cry, I have no cause for tears

Because I know I’ll always be

The daughter you loved, while you remain

My dearest Amma till eternity...

Your daughter,

Nimmou

23^rd December 2012

YOGAARGH!

I know why Yoga has endured as a way of life for so many centuries. It suits the contradictory nature of the human spirit and supports Newton’s 2^nd law- for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

In Yoga if you want to live to the fullest the most effective asana is the ‘Shavasana’ where you lie still and play dead. Apparently nothing rejuvenates you more than playing the corpse-zaps the life force and sends it zinging through those million inert cells.

Want to achieve peace of mind and soothe those shattered nerves? Easy peasy! No, don’t go to a quiet corner and close your eyes. Instead, take a deep breath and expel the air while producing a loud ‘Om’ sound loud enough to bounce off the walls and wake your comatose neighbor, 3 blocks away.

For years your body betrayed you. You didn’t walk upright, you shuffled along while every joint creaked and groaned and your doctor sternly ordered you to join a Yoga class. And you thought, why the hell not? Nothing could cripple you further than your arthritis or your finances.

And, you were being offered the straight and narrow path to salvation minus pills and potions. That is when the ‘aargh’ component of Yoga comes into effect. Every spinal twist, knee bend, hip contortion is the ‘Yogic’ way to get the body to straighten up. Hold impossible poses in different angles and directions and voila!, you are no longer early man shuffling along but limber modern man, as fit as a fiddle.

‘Yogaargh” also teaches you one of life’s most important lessons-you just cannot take anything for granted. We unenlightened lot thought that breathing was the one thing that came naturally (after the first unkind slap to get us started) and did not require our undivided attention. Well, the first shocker, as any good Yoga master will kindly point out, is that not only should we focus our complete attention to our breathing but that most of us are doing it all wrong.

So, to achieve that elusive Nirvana it is like being transported back to kindergarten and being told a countless times to breathe deeply, inhale and exhale. Apparently, if you want a flat belly you have to do exactly the reverse- inflate it like a balloon and then deflate it. And here most of us uninitiated ignoramuses have been wasting our time and energy trying to stand tall, tuck in our tummies and swing our arms gracefully as we walked. No wonder people turn to ‘Yogaargh’ in droves- it is life’s invaluable lesson condensed in one pithy saying-DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH!

Nimmou Nilakantan

Aerobic Instructor

(Always Hyperventilating)

A NEW LEASE OF LIFE

 

The bane of old age is a life full of peaks and troughs.

The boon is you have all the time in the world to climb out of those troughs and you don’t have to don mountaineering gear to do it.

If you accept that every day of the rest of your life is going to be a challenge then, and only then, can you gear up for it.

In youth we are so busy conquering hurdles to get ahead.

In old age we do the same just to maintain status quo.

Accept and embrace the difference.

The attitude of youth has to give way to the acceptance of old age. You just need to cultivate a taste for it, like our palettes, which learn to accept healthy but non- spicy food.

And once you do, why then, every victory tastes sweeter than the last and you, and only you reap the rewards.

No more sharing with friends, family or colleagues- this is your sole conquest.

This is the golden age. Where, everything you do is ‘you-centric’ (rather than the ‘eccentric’) – embrace it with an open mind.

Nimmou Nilakantan

AN INSIGHTFUL BIRTHDAY

AN INSIGHTFUL BIRTHDAY

Birthdays are not just occasions that mark the day you were born- they are far more significant. This is the day you faced your first eviction after 9 months notice. And, the heartless landlord who chucked you out after much bawling and a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears was none other than your mother. No wonder all of us have such Jekyll and Hyde relationships with our moms. For nine months she provided you with the best water bed of your life. No slumber was as sweet as those nine months of floating in animated suspension. Food was piped in 24/7 through a tube. And then life’s first harsh lesson was taught to you by your mother-‘All good things come to an end’.

With her sigh of relief came your cry of pain and the first war of emotions began. Whenever she laughed, you cried and vice versa. You were out of sync in the emotional plane from the first hour of birth and it continues till death. And, though the cord is cut at birth it immediately begins a slow but powerful re-growth that no doctor, lawyer, husband or child can ever sever. They can dent it, twist it, tug at it but it just keeps growing and binds you to this one woman forever. Even if you try to reach and snip it just grows rubbery and snaps like an annoying elastic band, back in your face.

Pretty soon after birth you face eviction from another favorite hangout- Mamma’s milk bar.

But, she never stops feeding you. She feeds you comfort when you need it most, she feeds you advice when you least feel like it, she feeds you forgiveness when no one else will, she feeds you love when you have given her many moments of hatred- she is God’s ultimate cook and you feast your whole life remembering only occasionally to thank her. And, that is why the day she dies begins the slow starvation- that is when the cord of life that bound you to this supreme source of nourishment is ruthlessly severed. 

If you have lost a mother, the loneliest day of your life is your birthday. You realize that you are celebrating alone- your ally, your partner, your soul mate, your confidante, your friend, your critic and your favorite punching bag and comforter has gone forever. 

And for the rest of your life, this will be the day you celebrate without the only person who gave you the best gift- a thing we take for granted called ‘life...’

Nimmou Nilakantan

May 29^th 2012

(5 months after Amma died)

Personalised Poetry Service

My personalised poetry website is finally up and running...

Check it out at http://personalisedpoetry.co.in

To Amma

To Amma

If God had an army
He would have placed you at the Head
But you were needed more on Earth
So he put you here instead

If the phone had a purpose
You made it amply clear
It was an instrument to be used
To bring everybody near

If self help books were based
On one simple creed
You showed us by example
To reach out to those in need

Nothing could stand in your way
When in pursuit of a goal
Honesty and immense courage
Were the hallmarks of your soul

So many journey through life
Leaving no footprint on the ground
You charged every life you touched
You were lightning accompanied by sound

No Da Vinci code or Rubik’s cube
Could ever be more of an enigma
We spent a lifetime with you
And still could not solve your persona

If death could be looked upon
As giving life a fresh new start
I know dearest Amma you’ll live forever
In each and every loving heart

Your loving daughter,
Nimmou

Economical Relationships

Relationships and economics have so much in common. In the former, you give sometimes and you get sometimes- but ultimately it depends on the dynamic that is at work. In the latter, it is simply called"Supply and Demand". You wouldn't try to sell ice cream in the North Pole would you? It just doesn't make economic sense! Why then, do we invest so much of our time and energy in relationships that are just not going to work? Mere blood does not guarantee bonding- how many of us are in abusive relationships with our relatives? Whether it is a domineering mother who constantly criticizes her child, or a father who deliberately crushes the ego of a fragile offspring or a jealous sibling- the list is endless. Somewhere along the way we have to take stock, invest our time and energy wisely and demand more bang for the buck. Respect, trust and unconditional love are the only coinage which will ensure a functioning and healthy dynamic. Now, that is the economy of a rich relationship...
(If you want your relationships to be gilt edged then you have to remove the edge of guilt..)
Nimmou Nilakantan

THE PARENT TAG

What makes a good parent?This question has always haunted me and the answer has been as elusive as sighting a ghost. To me, being a parent is the ultimate cosmic responsibility. We summon a soul into the world through one act of selfish pleasure. Surely then we owe a selfless duty to the free spirit for tethering them for life?
When the answer dawned, it set me free from the overwhelming responsibility of being a "good parent"- you must love yourself first and then, and only then can you love your child. Love is the fountain from which springs all pure and noble feelings. We bring our children into the world but we cannot feel for them, love for them or carry their burden of pain. But, if love emanates from our very being then that is the blanket which envelopes them and gives them a strong and sturdy root from which they can flourish and flower...
Nimmou Nilakantan

ABOUT FACE...

Facebook and annoying relatives have much in common. In both interactions you end up talking to a wall. whether you like it or not, both have a habit of intruding into your life with unwanted and unwarranted comments. Both forms of communication become public immediately. You are subject to boring accounts of"yummy" food, "great" holidays, "instant nirvana" and bombarded with trivia you just cannot tune out.
If facebook had a "face" I would put one of my most boring, pain-in-the-ass relatives photo. The only advantage in Facebook is, one is always just a click away from escaping. Alas, one cannot do that with relatives unless a genius avatar of Zuckerberg comes up with an invention which can zap the annoying presence into another dimension.
Who knows? Who cares? Amidst the hordes of nonsensical posts one does stumble into something which is pure genius and inspirational. Hey, if I was looking for companionship or friendship the last thing I would do was talk to a wall...