When does communication become soul destroying? When there
is no conversation! During a conversation, one conveys something! By merely
churning out words communication becomes like a car tyre stuck in the mud. You
can accelerate all you want but the wheel just spins spraying mud everywhere.
If there is no emotion, no warmth, no empathy or humour in a
conversation, then you are not communicating – you are just a tyre in the mud –
splattering boredom, breeding resentment and misunderstanding to the receiver
of your garbled message.
Everything in life
has a purpose and a shelf life. Especially relationships! We marry for so
many reasons – companionship, love or to have children. That is the sole
purpose of sharing time, space and resources with another human. Sometimes it
works and sometimes it runs its course and expires because it has reached the
end of its shelf life and the purpose is no longer valid.
A relationship with a parent is much the same. Though the
bond with your child is strong, however much you love each other, they become
the parallel track in your life as they become adults. Though they might run
alongside, your life and theirs can
never converge into a single track – that separation happened at birth and remains
so until death.
Having a long conversation with a parent just to ‘unload’
one’s grievances achieves only one purpose – it stunts the relationship. A
parent is not a counsellor especially when the counsel or advice they give is
ignored. Parents are not geared to be the sole repository of wrong choices and
when a communication is based solely on the needs of one, then conversation is
nothing but a futile grinding of gears with nothing moving forward.
Expecting a spouse to serve one’s wants, expecting a parent
to be of support long past the age of requiring it, wanting a friend to assume
the role one desires based on one’s own needs – all these are just tyres
churning the mud.
If this happens to you – you have to call a time out. Otherwise
you become the mud and every revolution of that tyre that is going nowhere will
only grind you deeper and deeper into that muck. When this happens, there is
only one thing to do – grab the wheel, change gears and zoom away….
Nimmou Nilakantan
