AN INSIGHTFUL
BIRTHDAY
Birthdays are not just occasions that mark the day you were
born- they are far more significant. This is the day you faced your first
eviction after 9 months notice. And, the heartless landlord who chucked you out
after much bawling and a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears was none other
than your mother. No wonder all of us have such Jekyll and Hyde relationships
with our moms. For nine months she provided you with the best water bed of your
life. No slumber was as sweet as those nine months of floating in animated
suspension. Food was piped in 24/7 through a tube. And then life’s first harsh
lesson was taught to you by your mother-‘All good things come to an end’.
With her sigh of
relief came your cry of pain and the first war of emotions began. Whenever she
laughed, you cried and vice versa. You were out of sync in the emotional plane
from the first hour of birth and it continues till death. And, though the cord
is cut at birth it immediately begins a slow but powerful re-growth that no
doctor, lawyer, husband or child can ever sever. They can dent it, twist it,
tug at it but it just keeps growing and binds you to this one woman forever.
Even if you try to reach and snip it just grows rubbery and snaps like an
annoying elastic band, back in your face.
Pretty soon after birth you face eviction from another
favorite hangout- Mamma’s milk bar.
But, she never stops
feeding you. She feeds you comfort when you need it most, she feeds you advice
when you least feel like it, she feeds you forgiveness when no one else will,
she feeds you love when you have given her many moments of hatred- she is God’s
ultimate cook and you feast your whole life remembering only occasionally to
thank her. And, that is why the day she dies begins the slow starvation- that
is when the cord of life that bound you to this supreme source of nourishment
is ruthlessly severed.
If you have lost a mother, the loneliest day of your life is
your birthday. You realize that you are celebrating alone- your ally, your
partner, your soul mate, your confidante, your friend, your critic and your
favorite punching bag and comforter has gone forever.
And for the rest of your
life, this will be the day you celebrate without the only person who gave you
the best gift- a thing we take for granted called ‘life...’
Nimmou Nilakantan
May 29th
2012
(5 months after Amma
died)
