You fall ill. Your friends rally around. Some genuinely want to help. Others want to feel good by visiting you and generally making a nuisance of themselves by offering help but not actually helping. This is how you become a “good-doer”. Let them visit you. If this means locking away your prize Rottweiler when they arrive and removing the padlock from the front door, so be it. Then ooh and ah about what a solace they have been in your time of need and how you could never have got through this without their help. Ergo- you have it. Without raising a million bucks for charity (best left to the professional do-gooders) you have made a person feel like a million bucks and surely that counts…..
All of us know that parents are brimful of advice. For years they turned a deaf ear to their parent’s well-meaning words and now they just cannot resist bending the ears of their re-calcitrant children. Lend them your ears! I quote. What does it cost you, apart from a deep well of resentment which you can then pass onto your children? This is your form of a “goody- doer”- by listening and seeming to hang onto every word you make your parents feel like God- and that to me is divine goodness….
Then there is your doctor who for a hefty sum is supposed to cure you of all ills. Poor guy, all he has to look forward to is a list of complaints and even his casual greeting of “how are you?” is met with a barrage of excruciatingly painful details. Try to be a bit more upbeat the next time you meet this doomed professional. Swear his prescription is working wonders even if you have chucked it into the bin and express your unswerving faith in his healing powers. Remember, faith does move mountains even if it cannot dislodge that hacking cough……
Then there is your 3rd grade teacher who filled your report cards with rude comments that shaped you into the stunted individual you are. Nevertheless, you made more money in a career that she pronounced you unfit for and more than she could ever earn with her caustic comments in report cards. So, as you stride up the dais to receive yet another award for exemplary contribution to mankind’s progress, do her a favour- thank her from the bottom of your heart(you know the place where deep, dark feelings reside) and loftily declare that you would never have reached this far but for her unswerving faith(in your failures). So, instead of donating zillions to charity you have done your service to humanity….
There are endless opportunities to do good- just look around you. The spouse who took you for granted and thus forced you into deep conversations with your inner child, the servant whose unreliability propelled you into this multi-tasking dynamo, the kids who launched you into the brilliant business of thank-you notes with their endless ingratitude, the dog whose resistance to toilet training forced you to walk 4 times a day and turned you into a potential marathoner… The list is endless. There is goodness everywhere but my goodness, there’s none like the one that makes others feel good…..
Nimmou Nilakantan
