Walk Like an Egyptian
There is a fine line between the meaning of ‘Baksheesh’ and ‘Bribe’. Every time you go to a public toilet in Egypt you are forcefully reminded of that. Carry a plentiful supply of 1 pound notes (1 Egyptian Pound, ie LE = approx 8 INR) with you in your pocket when you rush to answer nature’s call, or prepare to face the wrath of an Egyptian mummy equivalent. No sooner do you enter the hallowed portals of the loo, you are accosted by a fierce woman extending a meager strip of toilet paper with one hand. Take it with grace, even though you know with sick certainty that this is only enough to blow your nose into. No sooner do you emerge a relieved person; you face the other hand extended menacingly under your nose and hear the sibilant whisper, ‘baksheesh’. Herein lies the difference – the toilet paper was the ‘bribe’ and your payment is the ‘baksheesh’. Pay up – you can’t battle a 5000 year civilization which excelled in burying their dead…..
The Egyptians revered the sun god ‘Ra’. To return the favour, he turned on the heat and baked their land a beautiful golden brown. The sun is hot, but the Egyptians love and worship it. As an Indian tourist steeped in a culture where fair skin is equivalent to a god-like status, you shudder at the thought of exposing one square inch of flesh to the loving rays of ‘Ra’. Ta Ra – dress appropriately. Wear full trousers, a full sleeved top, gloves to cover those pearly fingers, a cap and since most caps do not swivel automatically to block out the sun’s rays, throw a scarf over it covering the bottom half as well, and sun glasses. Voila! You have the perfect cover and you blend in beautifully with all those local women walking around in their burkhas..
In most countries, food is a meaty issue for vegetarians. Not so in Egypt. In the ‘date’ alone, one has the perfect combo of carbs, proteins and minerals in sufficient quantities to sustain life for a very long period. However, since the refined palate of the well travelled Indian cannot confine itself to dates alone (especially having shelled money by the forkful for the tour with food included) one can gorge on a variety of vegetarian fare. The cheeses, specially the feta (goat’s) cheese, are a delight. Fruits like water melon, musk melon, pomegranate, guava and bananas are sweet and juicy. The falafel is made out of ground lentils and fried like a cutlet. Egyptians offer you a wide variety of bread – crusty, pita, croissants, whole and multi grained, French loaf, you name it, they fill your basket with it. And the olives – black and green make a delightful garnish. The rice is sticky and spelled as ‘riz’ – but it has a certain texture and taste which is quite pleasing. They have an array of veggies that are boiled and sautéed and haricot beans made into a curry which is really tasty. Different salads come with a whole lot of lettuce of varying hues – the vegetarian is definitely not confined to a Spartan diet. In fact an Egyptian holiday is a perfect answer to losing all those unwanted pounds – go easy on those dates though, unless you plan to trek through the desert…
Egyptians are a friendly lot. The only flip side is, along with their twinkling eyes and wide grins, is the eagerly extended hand for that tip – there is nothing underhand about it! Egyptians are poorly paid and the only supplement to their meagre income is the tip from the tourist. Whether it is the cab driver, the waiter, the porter or even if you get your photo taken, be prepared to open your wallet. And don’t ever skimp on your tip to your guide. That poor guide has spent 4 long years in an Egyptian university memorizing facts about people with unpronounceable names like Tutankhamun, Amenhotep, Hatshepsut (hot chicken soup to you and me), and he tromps through tombs and temples trying to resurrect the past in a way that can divert your attention from the pyramid ashtrays and T-Shirt laden shops, long enough to let a few facts trickle into your cranium. We travelled with a few Indians whose purse strings were drawn so tight that not even a crocodile from the Nile could have prised it open. However they were very vocal in complaining about the guide not allowing them to ask one idiotic question every 10 seconds thus ruining the poor chap’s train of thought and the other’s enjoyment of the narrative, while clicking photos where explicitly forbidden. One bright soul asked our guide if the remains of the tomb were found in the museum. Our guide, with a perfectly straight face replied, ‘No sir, it was found in the pyramid and then transported to the museum..’ His sense of humour made us double his tip….
Egyptians proclaim their love of Indians. Actually, there is only one Indian they love – Amitabh Bacchan. Where ever we went we were greeted with a grin, a shout of Amitabh Bacchan and an off key rendering of the song ‘Mehbooba’ from the movie Sholay. Egyptians love their dancing and there is no more fascinating a dance form than their belly dance. We were lucky that on the dinner cruise we took, the belly dancer had a figure like a Coke bottle and her endless undulations and her rippling of her perfect belly had us slack jawed –especially the men. Unfortunately, not all belly dancers have the perfect measurements. Belly dancing is a highly lucrative career and our thin underfed guide rued the fact he had wasted 4 years learning facts instead of learning to jiggle his belly. Some belly dancers are extremely prosperous in their girth. Our cruise ship hired one such big momma to belly dance. This time our jaws dropped down in wonder at how she jiggled every bit of spare flesh with no self consciousness at all. As an American standing next to me watched the mountain of flesh heave and jiggle, he had two words to describe her – river horse! (Hippopotamus to you and me).
Bargaining is a talent inborn to most Indians – it is in our blood. Egyptians too have mastered this art to perfection. They just raise the prices through the roof knowing the sucker tourist’s love of a good bargain and having ripped us off in spite of a hard fought 40% discount, they throw in a few shoddy items as a free gift. Nothing comes free in Egypt except heat stroke and diarrhea. You have to pay for water, which is a crime as you consume gallons of it in the dry desert air. In India, you seat yourself in a restaurant and the first thing the waiter does is to fill your glass with that precious fluid. In Egypt, you pay through your dehydrated nose for it – 9 pounds for a litre in restaurants and 3 pounds in the street. Most of our shopping bags were loaded with not Egyptian artifacts but, you guessed it – bottles of water!
Is Egypt a ‘Must See?’ Definitely! Any civilization which was clever enough to hide their dead for more than 5000 years from the eyes of a prying world is worth a visit. The tourist is GOD, naturally as he decides the per-capita income of the Egyptian, (unless Indians like we travelled with form the majority of visiting tourists). In the 80’s the pop group Bangles came out with a smash hit ‘Walk like an Egyptian’. I would certainly agree and add, ‘Talk like one, Eat like one and definitely extract tips like one’. Centuries later, when a spaceship lands on the ruins of the African desert, the aliens will stumble onto the classical pose of an Egyptian skeleton – all 32 teeth bared and a hand extended for baksheesh!
Nimmou Nilakantan
Oct 1, 2008
